The other day I was scrolling through old photos so I could try and decide what to do with my hair.. shocker, I know. I change my hair color more than I do laundry.
Anyway, I came across some photos of me (back in the blondie days) when I was approaching my first bikini competition. Mind you, this wasn’t too long ago – probably the beginning of October or so. But I looked SO.DIFFERENT. I looked freaking shredded. I didn’t think I had changed too much since then, which I really haven’t changed a lot, but I did look way more defined than I do now. Obviously, because that’s the point of competing. What was shocking to me most wasn’t how I looked, but I remembered what was going through my mind taking these photos.
These two photos were taken on the same day. When I saw them the other day I was like wow, I can’t believe how lean I was getting. But I remember taking it and while I was happy and motivated that I was making some progress, I knew I had more to make and I still wasn’t there yet. Looking back now, I’m like holy quad separation and oblique definition.
This photo was 2 weeks out from my early competition date, and 4 weeks out from my original competition date. I was sending this to my coach wondering if I could compete in the earlier show because honestly, I was just DONE with prepping. I wanted to just do it, and I was getting way too antsy. I was so nervous that he would say no I wasn’t ready, because I felt ready mentally, but kept thinking I wouldn’t be ready physically. Looking back now, I’m like HELL YEAH I could compete early.
And lastly, the photo I posted one day out. I was so hesitant to post this photo, because I didn’t think I looked good enough to be 1 day out. I kept thinking of all the other girls with 6 pack block abs that I didn’t have, or even leaner legs and thinking that people would say “she doesn’t look 1 day out or ready”. SERIOUSLY? I look ready. While I was thinking this, I also felt ready mentally and actually had a good mentality about it all. But of course, it is SO easy to second guess yourself, especially in this sport.
Lastly, on show day. Yes, I was ready, and yes, I was confident and loved the package I brought. However, being surrounded by SO many other beautiful girls that had worked so hard to get to that day as well, it’s still hard to shut your mind off and just be focused on yourself. At times I was second-guessing myself, and but overall I just shut my mind off and told myself YOU ARE READY.
When I first went out for novice I got like 5th or 6th callouts and felt so defeated. I kept telling myself “WTF are you doing, you shouldn’t have competed this early, you weren’t ready.”
It wasn’t until I was about to go on for my height class that I literally said “SCREW THIS, I’m going out on that stage and rocking the shit out of my posing and this height class. My confidence was beaming, and my entire mentality changed. And guess what? I ended up walking away with 1st freaking place. I still can’t believe it.
Even though I was actually really pretty confident throughout my entire prep, of course there were times that I would second guess myself and get caught in the comparison trap – and that’s mostly what it comes down to. Your mentality is EVERYTHING. If you have negative thoughts, you will start to believe them, and others will too. If you shift your mentality to positive and happy thoughts, especially about yourself, you will believe them. Because guess what? Our minds sometimes have a way of messing with us. There is nothing wrong with you, and there is definitely nothing wrong with your body.
Here I am, about 4 months post-show. Up about 7-8 lbs, a lot less defined, and a different look. Guess what? I love my body right now. I am confident, and I don’t care about the scale. I eat because it gives me energy and nourishes my body, and I exercise because I love it. Changing your mentality is everything – what you think, you become.
Be confident. Be Happy. Be you.
Have you ever noticed how changing your mentality makes the world of a difference?