This past weekend I competed in my second, and most likely, my last bikini competition.
Prior to this weekend, I competed one other time in October of 2014. I had a decent prep and ended up winning my class at the show in 2014 and I thought I really enjoyed competing. I decided to take quite a bit of time off after my body not responding to another prep that I tried to start in February of 2015. I ended up taking over a year off, and it was definitely needed in order to make the improvements I needed.
I decided to try to prep again in January 2016, and I decided I was going to compete no matter what. Well, little did I know, my body wasn’t going to respond once again to dieting and prepping and I had one of the hardest preps I’ve ever had. I lost my period one month into prep (red flag early on), and really had to get low on calories and push harder than I ever have. I refused to give up, although I wanted to a million times, but I’m glad I didn’t.
I really wanted to compete for a few reasons:
- I wanted to see the improvements I had made from a long off-season.
- I wanted to see if competing was actually something I enjoyed and if I was passionate about it.
These were the main reasons for competing this year, and I learned SO much about myself and my body this prep.
After getting off stage, I asked myself if I felt like some other competitors do – like I couldn’t wait to get back on that stage. The reality was, no. I really didn’t care at all. I had fun, and I do like being on stage all dolled up as a natural performer, but I didn’t feel like I was truly passionate about it.
I asked myself if all the time, money, and sacrifice was worth getting on stage for 5 minutes. The answer was no. When I’m prepping, it’s all about ME. It’s selfish, and I hate that since I am usually the most selfless person. I am a slave to the food scale, the regular scale, and prep. I have very low energy and don’t want to go out to see friends or even go on a hike. I am not living life during prep. I am constantly thinking I’m not lean enough, or good enough, and picking myself apart. Then once prep is over, you’re focusing on reverse dieting. It seems like a never ending cycle.
I completely understand that in order to achieve something extraordinary you have to sacrifice a lot. That is amazing and wonderful and if you have a burning passion for competing, then it is worth it. However, for me, I didn’t have that same feeling when I was on stage. I enjoyed it, and competing can be very rewarding, but it just isn’t worth it to me. I could be putting so much time and energy into other things that will really benefit me in the future such as my business, starting another business, gaining more knowledge, helping others.
I want to have energy to do different types of exercises and ENJOY my workouts.
I want to put more time and energy into things that help OTHER people.
I want to live life with balance and eat foods that nourish my body and make me feel good.
I want to be able to travel, go out, and live my life without being so tired or worried about the macros in food all the time.
I want to be healthy, most importantly, and I want my body to be working properly.
I want to stop looking in the mirror and picking my body apart.
I want to stop thinking I’m not good enough or lean enough “for the stage”.
I want to be fit for LIFE.
The video below explains this more into detail – my thoughts, feelings, and why I probably won’t compete again. I want to show you all you can be fit, healthy, and in the fitness industry without competing. Will I compete again? Who knows, but for right now, I have no desire.