I posted this on my instagram account yesterday, but I thought I’d share it here in a little more detail.
About a year ago I had my gallbladder removed. I was having stomach issues for a while, and found out my gallbladder wasn’t working pretty much at all. They weren’t sure why, but they said it was swollen and I needed it out immediately. I got it out July 8th, and was told recovery wouldn’t be too bad. Not sure why, but I did NOT have a good recovery. I couldn’t even walk around my apartment, couldn’t sleep, it hurt to laugh or cough or sneeze, I had a reaction to all medications so was pretty much living on naproxin sodium (yeah, not as strong as vicoden at ALL), but the vicoden didn’t work. I literally didn’t leave my house for 5 days, I couldn’t even walk the dog.
Finally things started getting better. I felt amazing for about a month – I could eat cheese, fats, and anything really without writhing in pain afterwards. After that glorious month, I started getting SEVERE upper abdominal pain. It would wake me up out of my sleep at 4am every. single. morning. It radiated to my back, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t go back to sleep, and it lasted for hours sometimes. The only thing that helped, SOMETIMES, was eating something or drinking coffee. No idea why.
I had a CT scan to figure all of this out, and that’s when my life changed. My doctor called me the SECOND I left the radiologist. They wanted me to come into the office ASAP because they couldn’t tell me anything over the phone. My heart dropped, I knew this wasn’t good news. I wanted to throw up and cry all at the same time. I went into the doctor the next day, and I was told I had an 8 cm tumor in my colon. A radiologist, a GI doctor, and all 3-4 doctors at my primary care office confirmed the CT scan.
It was probably the scariest moment of my life, but somehow I kept a positive outlook on the situation. I had to wait all weekend for my exploratory surgery. That was the longest weekend of my life, but it gave me time to think. I even got blood drawn to see if I had cancer. When I went into the Quest office, a little boy with cancer was in there. My heart dropped once again, and I was wondering if that was a sign, if that was about to be my fate. I cried for a couple days, but then realized that it was stupid of me to waste my time freaking out when I won’t know the outcome. Maybe I don’t have cancer, things could always be worse. That little boy had cancer and he seemed like he was only about 7-years-old. Whatever was going to happen was in Gods hands. If I had cancer, I would fight like hell. I’m too strong of a person to let it control me. I stayed strong, and honestly my family had a harder time with it. My mom couldn’t stop crying, and I was consoling her. I told her that if this is happening, it must be for a reason. She went to church that weekend and there was a cancer support group standing at the front of the church waiting to pray with people after the service. Mind you, they’ve never been there before, or not that we have noticed. They all prayed for me.
That weekend gave me a lot of time to think. We can’t control the shit that happens to us in life. It’s not Gods fault, it just happens. What we can do is change our perspective on things. I thought about how short life is. How we waste so much time worrying about petty things. I thought about how there really is no time for stupid crap – like holding grudges, like judging others, or even what other people thought about you. IT ALL DOES NOT MATTER.
What I want in life is to help others, inspire others, make a difference in someone’s life. Live my life the way I want to, but also in the path that is my destiny. I had to trust that whatever the outcome, I will fight like crazy. Positive outlook = positive life. You aren’t defined by your shit, you’re defined by your attitude, and how you react to certain things. I knew whatever happened, I would walk with my head held high and a huge smile on my face. NOTHING could bring me down if I didn’t allow it to.
So, the weekend passed and I had my surgery. Going into the surgery, my mom was a nervous wreck. I was at peace. I’m not sure why, I’m not sure how, but I just felt peaceful. I was woken up by my doctor with a huge smile on her face. I was confused, but too drugged to even be nervous. There was nothing there. Somehow, I honestly think it was a miracle, but there was no tumor. NOTHING. My doctor took 230482098493 pictures. There wasn’t any sign of a tumor. All of the doctors, my family, and I were so confused.
All I could do at that moment was smile. I thanked God. I was certainly blessed, and I knew that a miracle had just occurred within me.
Everything changed that weekend in terms of my outlook on life. While things are never perfect, things could always be worse. Life is too short not to live the way YOU want to. Life’s too short to judge others and have conflict. Life is too short not to be happy or just to be a good freaking person. Everyday I try to focus on these things, and hopefully to become a better person in all aspects of life. Learn, trust, inspire, grow. Live everyday to be better than you were yesterday.
Have you ever had a health scare?
Any miracle stories you want to share?